September 1, 2011

The Greatest Compliment I've Ever Been Paid...

I was sharing this story with my friend, L, the other day; and she told me that I needed to write this one down "someplace safe" so that I can remember it. What better place than a blog? it is: THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT I'VE EVER BEEN PAID...

Quite a few years ago, I was at a dinner party with a bunch of friends. Some of those people I'd known literally all my life, others didn't know me all that well.

One of the "newish" people at the party started asking me about my love-life (sadly, it was then as it is now...single). This is NOT my favorite topic at all, because of many reasons, some of which are that conversations on this topic inevitably lead to the person feeling as if he/she needs to reassure me that "the right one is coming, just be patient" (gag me now), or they reach over, stroke their partner's arm, and say something along the lines of, "I'm so glad I'm not on the dating scene anymore. How DO you do it?" (that one just makes me want to bang my head against the nearest concrete wall. Better yet, maybe bang THAT PERSON'S head...). No matter what happens, I always end up feeling sub-human and condescended to, because I haven't found "Mr. Right (now)."

This night's conversation started off in the same manner:

Annoying-can't-not-ask-invasive-personal-questions-person: "Jane, you're so amazing, so smart, so funny (personal note: I agree! She could've just stopped THERE)...what's wrong with men these days?"

Me: "Excuse me?"

ACNAIPQP: "Well, why aren't you dating anyone?"

Me: "Again, excuse me?"

ACNAIPQP: "Well, you're fantastic. Why can't men see it? Why aren't you dating anyone??"

Me: "Thank you for telling me I'm fantastic, but I can't say why men haven't seen it."

ACNAIPQP: "Well, have you dated? Why aren't you with somebody?"

Me: "Honestly, ACNAIPQP, I haven't found a man who can convince me that life with him is better than life without him." (Another personal note: 1) That's a stinking-fantastic line! Not only is it the truth, but it usually stops the person right then and there. 2) For those of you suddenly wanting to defend the men of this world, please know that I DO give them chances...I don't just write a guy off at the end of the first meeting...or date...or sixth date. I just know that an "US" is supposed to be better than just "ME." So then, I date, I enjoy getting to know guys, but until "US" is better than "ME," it's just not worth it.)

ACNAIPQP: "Yeah. NO. Seriously, what is WRONG with men?"

(I think she honestly expected me to have an answer for this!)

Me: ----? (I didn't have anything to say to that. At all.)

ACNAIPQP: "Aren't you lonely? I mean, how do you DO it all by yourself?" (Yep. She went there.)

Me: ----? (There might've been a few incredulous looks, and my mouth might've been doing the "fish" thing. I had NOTHING to say to her at that point.)

This is where my savior rode in on a white horse. Okay, really, he was sitting at the other end of the table; but in my mind, when I remember this scenario, he's on a large, white horse, riding up to the dinner table.

Kobster (that's what I call him): "You know, ACNAIPQP, I think we're looking at this in a totally different way."

ACNAIPQP: "What do you mean?"

Kobster: "I think you're looking at Jane as you look at yourself, but she's a very different person than you are."

The man had everyone's attention at that point. Did I mention that it was a LARGE dinner party? Yep.

Kobster continued: "I believe that there are two types of people in this world. Both are valid, one is not better than the other; but they are very, very different. The first type includes people like you and me. We're the ones who aren't complete until we find our soul mate (and here, he looked at his wife, Michi. It was all very romantic, now that I look at it in retrospect). We strive so hard to find that right person because there's something missing inside US without that person. We're desperate to find that person, and life is better once we do.

"But, there's another type of person out in the world. This person doesn't have to search so desperately to find her soul mate, because that person is complete within herself. She's able to take her time and be picky because she's looking for the person who will compliment everything within her. She's complete, totally and wholly, in who she is. Being connected to a person who isn't her perfect compliment will diminish the gift she is to the world.

"Jane is one of those people; and the way I see it, she's doing just fine as she is."

Those words sunk deep into my soul and took root. They're still blooming today.


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